Day 1 of a lifetime

I was in a pretty frustrated place the last few weeks. The number on the scale has gone up over the last few months and it got me depressed. I know the reason, I have been eating like shit. Candy, ice cream, cookies, sugared drinks, chips.  And the weight just kept creeping back on.  Truth be told I have gained about 20lbs back from my lowest earlier this year. I feel it, and it shows. First things that showed was my skin, yep its a mess. Then I felt it in my stomach.. but do you think I stopped and got back on track.. nope..  was mad at myself and stress ate.  So here I get on the scale this morning to show a 20lb increase. F*ck.   So my goal for the 90DC is to lose 20lbs. Get back to where I was last April. I can do it, I know I can, I have proven I can. .. and I WILL AGAIN.

Sometimes life has a way to come up and kick us in the ass and we need to deal with things rather than eat to deal with them.  I did best when I was strict.. I need sugar detox again… Ill be tired, Ill have headaches and Ill be bitchy. I apologize in advance. I know what to do, and I now have the desire to again.

I signed up for GoRuck. I wont be able to do it with these 20 extra lbs on me.  Its April 20th and I will be back at my orig. weight.

Here is my plan: Goal: To lose the weight I have gained back.. sigh
Steps: 1)Prepare meals ahead of time 2) Eat 3 meals a day 3)Add cardio 3 days a week (atleast 2 in the mornings) 4)Drink more water and less coffee. 5)Reassess in 14 days.

 

So today I joined Best Fitness again. No, no .. I am not leaving CrossFit. But I need to add more cardio and endurance into my programming for weight loss and for a day long GoRuck.  So I was “that girl” and went and signed up on New Years Day.  Surprisingly it was pretty empty.  Here’s what I did:

1 mile run, 1000m row, .5 mile run then worked some backsquats and push presses.

It was soooo boring! It makes me really appreciate the community at ACF/CCP. My goal is to say hello to one new person each time I am at BF. Ill be the crazy girl

Oh I also did Fran at noon  65# and ring rows at 3:51. I was happy

Progress is sometimes hard to see yourself.  Here is me last summer doing back squats.. yes that looks like 55lbs.

Here is me this fall I think this was 235#

      We will all have slip ups, but we must come back from them and remember how far we have come. I could focus on the fact that I have gained weight back or I can focus on the fact I lost 35# last year and gained a ton of strength (physically and mentally). I chose the later.  :)

New 90DC, New Goals

This years 90DC is near and its caused me to stop and reassess where I am, how I have changed and what I need to change to reach my goals. It has also made me stop define my new goals.

2012 Recap:

• I won the 90DC which was amazing, because it gave the the opportunity to keep crossfitting despite the lack of money in the budget.
• I took part in the Westside Training class that Dean and James offered. I learned a ton about back squats, dead lifts and bench presses.  PRed on all during our mini comp as well.
• I finally accepted that I was going to have different “post weight loss” PRs.  This was a big struggle for me.. as I lost weight I found myself not being able to consistently lift weights. I got over my thoughts of what I was previously lifting, and established new 1RMs and went from there.  Here are some of them:

Deadlift: 325, Axle deadlift 315, press 110, ground to overhead “jerk” 140, clean 135, back squat 245, bench 135

• Diet… the last 4 months I have been bad.. I have gained about 15lbs back since the end of the last 90DC. My goal for this 90DC is to lose that weight again.

So what are my goals for 2013?

• I signed up for GoRuck in April, so my focus will be preparing for that. I needed something different something to challenge me that wasnt running (which i did in 2012).  Working my endurance.
• I have accepted there are some things that I really don’t care if I will ever get.  Rope Climbs, Pull ups, box jumps, double unders. Will I continue to work on them, sure.. but are they my goals, no. If i dont really care if I get them, why focus on things I dont truly desire? Cop out? No, just reality.
• I like strength stuff, its what Im good at, its what MY body was made for.  Goal CFT of 700. (currently 680)
• Goals Deadlift: 335, Axle deadlift 320, press 115, ground to overhead “jerk” 150, clean 145, back squat 250, bench 145
• Working on form is #1 goal.. and this can be done at home even which is good.   I need to 1) work on popping the bar at my hips and 2) stop fearing getting under the bar and squatting in snatches and cleans.  I get nervous that my knees are going to fail on me if I do it.. IDK why, but its preventing me from getting bigger numbers that i have the physical strength to do.. if I can only pair it with good form.
• Water- seriously i drink like 10% of what I should…
• Diet- Primal- allow cottage cheese and greek yogurt and occasional oatmeal.  Cut the Crap!  Will require planning and prep.. make it a priority
• Mobility and Rest Days- When Im sore I need to take rest days or switch things up and not be dumb.  Having to take a month off from overhead stuff this summer sucked.. I dont want to get back there.. taking 3-4 days off sucks but sucks less.   I think improving my diet again will surly help some of the soreness though, and mobility will t00.

Recap after listing my goals:

Go back to the basics: clean diet, increase water, mobility and focus on form/technique

Accountability

Yes, I am doing this for myself. If I am not making the changes for myself, then they wont last. I know WHY I am doing it.. but man does it get hard some times.

People say I have been doing it (paleo/working out) for a long time, but in reality its really only been 8 months.. out of my 33 years alive. It is SHORT in comparrison. Anything is “easy” to do for a short period of time.. its continuing to do those same things for the duration that makes it HARD.   As Crossfit Jay always quotes “if it were easy, everyone would be doing it”. I know, I know. and I realize I have been doing it longer that most do. I have stuck with it longer than I thought I would.. and I have lost lots of weight as a result. I’ve done the PHYSICAL work.  However, now the MENTAL challanges are coming into effect.

1) If I started crossfitting at 180lbs there is no way I would have been lifting the weight I was lifting. My extra “mass” definatly helped me throw up some bigger numbers. Thats why in competitions they go by weight classess. Different body weight, different expectations.   So now that I have lost 55lbs I find myself really struggeling with the fact that I am lifting (overall) lower weights than when I first started. Sure injury has something to do with it…and Im trying to be safe.. .but in reality, I dont think I could be doing the same 85lb presses throughout a wod, or 65lb OHS’s.  Have I gotten weaker, or am I really just in proportion?? Id like to think its the later of those.  Either way .. its FRUSTRATING!   And here in steps the mental challanges.  “But I could do more than this when I first started” is a common thought  I have during a wod.  I need to stop. I need to get those old numbers out of my head and start new… anad go up from here.

2) My diet… I love ice cream and I love beer. And they are prob the worst things I can add back into my diet. But its getting warm out and there is “nothing” better than sitting down outside with a nice cold beer after a long day of work, or grabbing an ice cream cone with my son.   MENTAL. There sure as hell is “something” that is better than those feeling.  Not having a stomach ache, not feeling guilty for eating what I know negates my hard work, seeing the scale go down, instead of up (which goes instintly when i eat poorly), being able to run around and play lacrosse or basketball with my son… something I use to be too tired to do…. being asked to go for a run by friends.. and not saying no out of fear that you will fail. THESE THINGS are much better than those brief feelings of enjoyment from beer or ice cream or a donut! I MUST remember that when I get urges!  If my “treats” are not preplanned than they are “fails”.

3) Balance- I spent the last 8 months pretty focused on making working out a priority in my life… and other things started to slip a bit. Recently I have begun to take more rest days and try and find a better balance in my life. THIS IS HARD. If I dont work out, I become bitchy. My body doesnt like it. I dont like it! But I know my body needs rest and time to recover. My wrist is finally better, but my shoulder is acting up and my knee still swells with impact or lots of reps. Im TRYING to be smarter about my recovery.   Its a crazy busy time of year at work so thats taking alot of my time, and I attempted to introudce some new endurance training into my routine. But failed. It was too much and thats how I hurt my knee.. let alone like I had time to add it in without taking something else out??? There is only so much one person can do… especially while raising a busy 11 year old!    So with this MENTAL part of my journey, I am reassessing my training schedule to make time for everything, build in rest days and hopefully still continue with results.

So where does Accountability come into all this??? I know many people go through the same things… why do I always post about it? I need the accountability. I need to know that people “check up” on me, that they believe in me. Because when I lack the confidence my amazing family and friends are there to give me some.  You know who you are, and I love you for it. Sometimes its from a person I never even had a conversation with at the gym.. but knowing they even noticed what Im doing, or attempting to do… is definately a confidence booster.. and well cant we all use that???

Its kinda ironic…

It should say: “Don’t worry.  I have my Garmin.  I’ll tell you when to stop running.”

 

Carly sent me a message the other day asking if I was intersted in running further than a 5k with her and Mary on Saturday.  I’ve now run a 5k about 6 times and after doing it on Sunday, its starting to feel not deathly.  Carly suggested about 4-5 miles and to see how I felt.   Tempted.. I posted on FB and was quickly “encouraged” by Crossfit Jay to hit a 10k. 6.2miles.  WTF! I know he has been encouraging me to do this ever since I hit my first 5k back in February.  But REALLY… there is NO WAY I can double my distance… or so I thought.  

Jay and I joked around the last few days about it, and he turned down my oh so nice invitation to join us at 7am… I even offered to do it later with him   But Jay knows what I can do and how to encourage me to do it.. he know I will always to my best to step up to a challange and prove to myself that I can do it.  Things may not be pretty.. but I sure try my hardest!  At last nights WOD, Jay was going around telling people that I was running a 10k today… I laughed still not TRUELY believing it myself.

Well i woke up this morning and got a encouraging fb message from julie telling me to “wake up” .  I got my but out of bed and headed over to the bike bath..   Mike and Walter ran ahead like the machines they are.. and Mary and Carly and I started out.  They asked how far I wanted to go and I told them lets just keep running. Id decide later how I was feeling and if I was going to crazily attempt the 10k.  In my head I told myself I could walk 3 times, if needed.   I also told them not to tell me how far we had gone, or how much longer we had to go!  MENTAL.. I know thats my biggest struggle! I often doubt my abilites.  Dont tell me and I wont ask

As we ran we talked about everything under the sun… and before I knew it we were turning around. I hadnt stopped once.  Ok I have done the 3.1 a few times.. my body is use to it now… NOW was the tough part.   As we continued to run, I really couldn’t believe that I was STILL RUNNING!   I def was starting to get more out of breath, but I was stilll moving and keeping up with them (gotta love them for slowing thier pace for me)!   Next thing I knew I could see the parking lot… PHEW!!!…. not so fast…. Mary informed us we had to keep on going alittle to make it a FULL 10K… so we went alittle further and turned around and then we were done.. Not sure the exact time but it was 1hr 14 mins and change.. so about a 12 minute mile.  Ill take it!   I was amazed I did it.. and DIDN’T STOP ONCE!!! I just kept trotting along! I never ran out of gas….

….. until I got to my car!  Yep I went to start my car.. and was out of gas!  It was kinda ironic because I had been telling people just yesterday that I have no desire to run more than a 5k, because I have a car and if I was going more than 3 miles.. I’ll drive!  Apparently my car ran out of gas before I did!   All I could do was laugh!   Luckily my parents came to my rescue and brought me some gas… but I took that time as I waited to really think about how far I have come.

My goal for the 90DC was to be able to run .5 mile by March 31st.. and here it was April 28th and I had just finished my first 10K! If you ever told me that was possible.. I would have said you were crazy!   If you had told me to even run a mile on January first I would have said you were crazy for even THINKING I could!  But now when Crossfit Jay throws up a challange to me, no matter how crazy it may seem… I stop and think to myself… “Might as well give it a try”.  So often we fail to believe in ourselves and our abiliites.. that THAT is what prevents us from doing things.. not out PHYSICAL abiliites.  Its the MENTAL bullshit that impeeds our progress and from reaching our goals. Sometimes it takes just one person, or in my fortunate situation MANY other people who believe that you can achieve something… that gives you just enough hope and belief in yourself… to get out there and TRY something.

I’ve come a long way in the last 8 months… looking back it really is pretty crazy to see how much I have changed. Not just physically… which is dramatic.. but more so MENTALLY.  I actually believe in myself now and when I don’t, my friends help me believe  just enough to let myself TRY something that I didnt think I could do. I am proud of how far I have come, and want to do my best to encourage others to reach thier goals as well.  It may mean being there to talk about someones diet, or cheering them on during a wod. It may be encouraging them to try a new class… or just to get off the couch.   I guess I’m just trying to “pay it forward”, since SO MANY people have been so encouraging and supportive of me throughout this process.

I still have a ways to go.. and will prob never be “content” with where I am… but if we aren’t striving to be better or make our lives better.. than whats the point of living?  Goal is to lose 25 more lbs. Im currently stalled at -55lbs … but I know Im making improvements… my endurance has proven that… and post wrist sprain, I am FINALLY starting to get the weight back on the bar… and I have become SMART enough to adjust it during wods at needed so I dont reinjur myself. Oh and I actually take rest days now!  

So.. not running out of gas on my run.. yet running out of gas when i got into my car… was actually much needed, as it gave me the time to really think about this journy and how far I have come so far

Im so lucky to have such amazing friends, family and coaches, and friends who are like family… who have helped me and believed in me so I could believe in myself.. Love you all

Why?

Yes, I post pictures of what I am eating.

Yes, I post about what my workouts are gonna be, how I did and how I felt about them.

Yes, I post about how sore I am.

Yes, I tell you when I’m going for a run, and when I get back.

Yes, I tell you when I lost weight.

Yes, I tell you when Im “off track”.

Why do I do these things?

To make myself accountable

To encourage others to go after thier goals

To show others that it IS possible

BECAUSE IM PROUD of how far I have come… and don’t plan on stopping.

 

By making your goals public you are much more likely to achieve them.

 

 

 

Back on track

So I was of track for a few days…
Not horribly but I had some candy, a burger w bun, potatoes at Easter dinner…. And I felt like crap after each
Time… But now I’m back on track and ready for part 3. Days 180-270:) ending on my birthday June 30th!
My wrist is still shot… Even using my left hand to carry the pan from stove to counter hurts I need to strengthen it… I need to get back to my 90-100 presses and cleans… But I can’t until my wrist is better. Frustrating!
I’m still running.. Increased to 1.75 miles this am.. I think I’m gonna keep this route for a while
Diets back On track and I’ve been helping some others get theirs on track or tweak it.. Kinds feels weird that people come to me for advice on diet now!
Clothing… I still by habit go for the xxl in the store… When in reality I’m usually a L… I still see myself as the bigger girl I was… My sis gave me a dress that was a large and I thought no way would it fit me…but it did:) psyched !

Back on track and excited to see where I will be at the start of summer… Goals one more size and 10-15lbs! It’s gonna be tough! But I will do it!!

Not giving up… just realizing where my focus needs to be.

So I unfortunately have stepped down from the Next Top Coach Challange. It was a really tough decision because it is something I really wanted, but right now I just dont have the time to commit to the process. This time of year is really busy at work, and between night time paperwork, fitting in my WODS and new runnings workouts, and being a single mom… there just wasnt enough time.   I wish there were. We have some amazing coaches with a wealth of knowledge.  Even if I didn’t win, I would have taken a ton away to help myself, and help others.  But there comes a point when one needs to prioritize things and decide what is more important.  “What happens if you dont draw the line somewhere?”.. you get overwhelmed and it ALL falls apart.  My son is #1 and the last week or so I feel like I rarely see him… and the competition hasnt even started.

I am truly one lucky mother to have such an amazing and supportive son. The last 6 months haven’t been easy on him. But he continues to encourage me every day and support me in my decisions.  It may be when we are folding laundry he says something like “wow mom these DO NOT fit you anymore look how big they are”, or when he says “but you use to be REALLY fat, now your not”.    When I decided to switch him to eating Paleo.. he didnt give me a huge issue about it.. now he complains from time to time.. but overall is pretty good about it at home.  He understands that not having it in the house helps me.  He also admittidly “feels like crap” when he eats “crap” now!      I think the biggest benefit of my lifestyle change and weight loss has been my energy level.  I now have energy to go for a run and he will ride his bike… or we will play basketball or football in the back yard together.. things I never did before because.. I was LAZ Y!       Matt tells his teachers and friends that I do crossfit… he thinks is “cool” .. and he is proud of me.  That is the biggest benefit!       Matt often comes to ACF with me when I hit WODS.. and he never complains… he sits and does his homework, reads or just watches.   I couldnt be prouder of him.

Jay  jokingly posted Crossfit > Parenthood.  My response was I crossfit to be a better parent… and it worked.

So besides the “single mom” reason for stepping down… I also realize I need to continue to work on myself. Ive come a long way in 6 months but still have some big goals for myself.  I’ve also started running… so between all these goals, working, Matt and every day life…. it comes down to this .. There just isnt enough time in the day, to do everything we WANT to do…. and we need to stop and prioritize and decide what needs to be cut and what to keep … in order to keep achieving your goals.

So good luck to the to 7… you are all AMAZING athletes and people and I look fwd to learning from all of you.